singtothemelody

2011-03-13T00:55:00.002+08:00

it's not possible anymore
i can never get to care the least for my feelings anymore
i hanged up
you never bothered
i told you im upset
you said there's nothing you can do
you called me mad
you said it's enough
when i told you im upset
you called your mum to the phone
to scold me
i will never forget
you did this once
you're doing it again
she said i/we will not have a good ending
i will never forget
you allowed your family time and again
and yourself
to keep hurting me
and trample on my pride
i hate you
i hate myself for being so weak
for shedding yet another tear for you
cos you're not worth it
i hate myself for being like that in front of the younger ones
in front of my dad
making everyone worry
i need to start thinking for people i love
dad says it's only when we think for others
will we have the motivation for the things we do
there will only be more future similar days like today
stop
and let go

2011-03-12T20:52:00.001+08:00

it's so hard to be your girlfriend.
all the tears, care and emotions are only
ONE-SIDED.

2011-02-21T17:50:00.002+08:00

when will be the last time you hurt me.
when will you stop making me feel used.
when will you ever really love and show you do.

i just want this to end
in the most peaceful manner
not with a quarrel.

i am torn.

2011-01-22T19:38:00.002+08:00

i hope you could stay out of my head
for as long as it can be
i picked up the phone but...
i dont know
i miss you a lot
i really pray this wouldn't be the end of us

2011-01-22T01:09:00.002+08:00

i saw you turn your back.
you ran.
my heart broke.
i tried so hard to hold back the tears.
on the bus in the train and on the bus home.
why have two closest people turned into strangers overnight.
mummy said we really need time away to heal.
my heart still yearns so much for you.
i hope you'll be alright.

2011-01-16T00:13:00.002+08:00

today i battled with the suicide demon.
again.
when no one's around i need to tell myself
live for the people who love me and for those i love.
for my mum for grace for faith for emmanuel.
i need a direction.
god please help me.

2011-01-12T23:11:00.004+08:00

do we all have to take full responsibility of our emotions?
total. full. absolute.
what about times when we were provoked to anger?
what about those tears because we got hurled at?
who are we to point the finger at?
truth is, no one cares. even when you say he caused it.
i'm learning to bear it all. still learning.
when i can't hold out, someone please hold onto me.

this is my first post for the new year-
negative, like myself.

2010-11-21T17:32:00.002+08:00

i become so cautious
again i find things going wrong
that's it
i told myself
another spark is all it takes to blow it
however happy things were before that spark
what else is there that can salvage
i just don't know

2010-11-21T14:18:00.003+08:00

because of you, i quit piano
i stop going for cell
now i stop going church
now you want to steal the cell
say it's my fucking fault i don't want to wake

everyone thinks you're the nicest guy
but no one is seeing how you're screwing up
my ENTIRE life
if any girl wants, just ask them to take it
and i would tell them thanks for recycling

i feel like i have no more control over the
things that i want
my new year wish:
a better guy

2010-11-21T01:37:00.006+08:00

i need to vomit this out so badly almost immediately.
i'm boiling to the max and i've boiled for infinity times
since i know this family.
i dont know how many times i dreamt that they were dead.
really.
i'm sorry i couldn't help, it's just my wish resurfacing in my dreams.
i dont know when is this going to end or when someday i will
be forced to accept the fucking truth that there are such people on earth.
i fucking hate that family, especially the scheming old lady.
fuck her and fuck the whole family.
seriously, do you need to call CONSTANTLY to meet at a dinner place.
cannot decide on the time, cannot decide the exact spot.
since the moment i sat down from 4-6, the phone hasn't stop ringing.
even call to ask what to wear.
and scream over the phone when you just waited for a few minutes.
uncle wait patiently la cos you know you failed to cultivate
any sense of punctuality or time management in your son.
do you need to call 64 times over two hours just because
we were engrossed in painting we forgot the phone.
and to pick up finally to know it's not anything serious.
WTF.
do you need to call every other hour to ask where the hell
your son or your grandson is.
he is twenty already for goodness sake folks.
this is fucking annoying.
why dont you just cage your precious son or grandson at home
and look at him and make sure he doesnt move.
mointor if he shits or eats or makes any noise.
you're just close to 3G-ing him anywhere he is.
fuck you man.
the best thing i did was to smash his phone on the floor.
oh ya fuck the invention of the phone.
the phone rings so annoyingly all day.
it's not love, they are possessive to the MAX.
i'm not asking them to stop what they've been doing
for their whole lives but just stop overdoing.
c'mon la he is not even your husband
not even a need to know if he's up to an affair.
or are you worried your hwa chong son going to ntu soon
will get into gang fights or take drugs or get conned by women
or he'll die of hunger on the streets cos he doesn't have enough
money to buy food.
or are you just tooooo bored.
or are you just out to annoy anyone and everyone you could.
i cannot find any other words to best describe my anger
but just to say fuck you.
you are just testing everyone, you fucking old lady
you fucking family.
this is MADNESS.
i know this hurts. i hope you dont get to read it.

honestly, i feel SO MUCH BETTER NOW.

2010-11-12T00:15:00.002+08:00

today's session was just sharing.
finally i can tell someone,no need to hide,
knowing she wouldn't judge.

my heart's in a mess.
all i need is you to be who you were,
to still be the same person i knew and loved.
if you are holding on because you love,
assure me.
i don't want to guess.

thank god for kelly who came in at the right time.

2010-10-23T02:15:00.001+08:00

''why do you always give in to me?''
''cause i love you. cause i want you to be happy. cause i'm happy when you're happy''

i cried.

2010-10-23T02:07:00.002+08:00

appointment 4

we all have good nurturing and protective qualities.
sometimes we forget or it was too minor for us to notice.
but we do have and it's just the extent that's in us.
just think of one instance for every of the qualities.
there will be at least once.

2010-10-15T00:19:00.002+08:00

appointment 3

hi sweetheart, how old are you?
why are you wearing a mask?
to protect myself
but you are not happy
have you done your part to protect joy?
there is no need for the mask because
it didnt serve its purpose

2010-10-05T18:42:00.001+08:00

when can i ever get out of this SHIT feeling.
ARGHH.

it's at rock bottom.
no words said today.
not even an A turns my mood around.
someone help.

2010-10-05T00:05:00.001+08:00

what does two and a half boil down to?
i hope it meant something

2010-10-04T23:57:00.002+08:00

i thought God had abandoned me long ago
since the day i drifted
since the day i decided to not go to church
since the day i stopped praying.
he has been good enough
to give me a very supportive mum
who stood and still stands by me
in peril times.
at my most down in the middle of the night
she slept on the floor by my bed
to assure me of her love
and took leave the next
to make sure i'm alright when i wake

' if god doesn't love you, He wouldn't wake me up
in the middle of the night to go see to joy'

it is time like this
we make each other feel important

2010-10-03T20:47:00.001+08:00

i have lost the old you for good.
i am
lost for words.

2010-10-02T18:37:00.001+08:00

appointment 1

life is actually beautiful.
love is actually a bonus,
not something we deserve.
pills make a girl ugly.

2010-10-01T23:19:00.000+08:00

i am feeling the worst alive.
from everyone.
WHY.

2010-09-30T22:40:00.000+08:00

i could really feel you further away from me.

2010-09-25T18:06:00.002+08:00

i don't wish to be a critique of my religion
because it does me no good.
but somehow i can't help these days to think about
how much i place the Creator in my life.
i ranked it this way:
God
studies
boyfriend
everything else

i wondered,
was i taught to do so or did i really feel
that this should be the way.
why would someone of the same faith
be angry when i choose to skip cell group
to rest at home.
are we all ought to place god the same way
in our lives?
is this the only way that a proper and pleasing life
is unto Him and others?
or it happens because we are intimidated by fear
of punishment on the day of judgment?
or are we too mindful of how the rest sees our faith?

i really don't like to question because it shakes me.
i hope there's someone who can give me an answer.

2010-08-28T21:30:00.001+08:00

i miss you.

i finally found an avenue to say it out.
amidst this cold period i miss you
and i still you love you.

2010-08-09T16:44:00.002+08:00

screwed.

i fell into an abyss of confusion and possessiveness.
they became the root of twisted things.

i haven't felt peace since they all came in.

2010-06-16T10:25:00.000+08:00

is love between two
in the long run
just heard in words and
disappeared in actions
or
too habitual that it is not even said
how meaningless then is it for two under the same roof
not knowing if they still love
or that the spark died
but with offsprings bearing their resemblance
and once,unfornuately, signified the affection
that was special only to the two
i am fearful of routine
fearful of a cold extinguished flame
exclude the conventional concerns of marriage
i think this is sufficient for a good second thought

2010-04-09T00:40:00.002+08:00

i put on a front
wait for everyday to go by
hoping for the day that i will be all fine
before the day i will leave everything behind
deep inside
i am thankful for the beautiful beginning

2010-03-26T00:04:00.003+08:00

i don't know what to do with myself.
i get confused.
sometimes, very easily.
because i'm unsure of what i want.
i look at my red toy and hope it'll blink.
but yet again, maybe not.
i don't want to know it is doing you bad
if i picked it up and be nice again.
let's be more decisive.

2010-01-19T16:51:00.003+08:00

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2009-12-29T00:42:00.003+08:00

block leave excursion!

the itinerary:

station 1: ya kun kaya toast for breakfast
station 2: ntuc to get tidbits
station 3: kfc to da bao lunch cos we had coupons. supersuperduper saver. haha.
then to the train station to marina bay!

today's highlight: Marina Barrage for our picnic!

station 4: ang xiang hill to check out freddy
station 5: chinatown

homesweethome.
and we're going running tomorrow morning to burn off
those guilty pleasures that we indulged in today.

thankyou darling for the beautiful day:)

2009-11-25T00:48:00.002+08:00

KS IS A BEAST.
i think beast is the best description for inhumanity.
and he does not differ too much from that.
no different from how a drunken dad comes home
and abuse his children.

that is all i have to say today,
after so long
someone made me feel like blogging something.

2009-10-03T23:21:00.003+08:00

A level is worse than a monster.
it devours every of your mental being
and leaves not even your bones.
that was how my week went.
vexed, tensed, tired.
when i feel like i have fallen into an abyss,
i had someone who knew the words to say
and fetched me up.
and he made this weekend the
reward of the week.

the worse nightmare may come,
but you would still hug me and say
baby it'll be alright.

2009-10-03T01:18:00.002+08:00

o n e a n d a h a l f y e a r s

of laughter
of anger
of sorrow
but most of all of love.

i want to remember today
our very happy 18th, foodie 18th.
cafe cartel dinner,
ice cream feast,
bk supper.

one and a half years and it still
feels just as sweet.
i know it cos i felt it today
like how it felt last april.

baby i love you.
thankyou for being mine.

2009-09-10T18:56:00.001+08:00

our small little conversation:
joy: you,re greedy
kenn: if im greedy then i'll have you and alot alot
joy: -.-
kenn: alot is your nickname
joy: @#$%%^^&&**!!!

2009-09-07T00:59:00.007+08:00

browsing through some photos in the phone
at 1am while sweetheart's sleeping in camp.
nothing much abt this but just thought he
looks sweet.

when i look at the photo with the girl beside you,
i cannot stop smiling tonight.

i think you could tell that i'm missing you.
goodnight my dear.

no matter how fierce we get,
the fiercest of quarrels,
HE still brings us back together.

2009-05-01T15:44:00.002+08:00

i've never miss spending time with you

more than now.

i hope, so much, that they would return

you to me soon.

the 18 more months would pass faster than we know,

and you're all mine, my love.

2009-01-28T20:39:00.002+08:00

i don't know how far they would agree
that here is only a shelter
void of comfort and love
only with occasional touch of humor
confined to the room with 4 bunks
and out there
the quiet war between the unforgiving
and the prideful
with the poor mediator

heaven is a better home

2009-01-14T22:17:00.001+08:00

i hate ns.
i hate how they take you away from me.
i hate this.
F.

2008-11-26T23:41:00.003+08:00

you are just the one
the very special one
i call mine
near perfection
at the very least
in my eyes

today, joy is
to get on your back
and played by the traffic light.

2008-11-04T22:50:00.002+08:00

If

if i could get into a drunken stupor state,
and not give a heck about anything.
the next moment,
silently what you've been hoping for.
there'll be no next morning,
no hangover.
that then, had be the end of everything.

2008-10-13T22:47:00.002+08:00

sis: why did the computer catch a cold?
me: it caught a virus. aye, that was a pretty easy one.
sis: that's why it's for you.
me: !

my sis is not funny enough to come up with this herself,
but funny enough to make me laugh at the joke and myself.
well well, no one beats my baby at making me laugh
and ALL the time they're original, not taken from a book.
even noises that comes from baby are just as amusing.
i have to say, most of you is the U L T I M A T E.

2008-09-15T01:44:00.003+08:00

it is always too late to realise
that the words said cannot be taken back
and the damage already done.
because this has repeated for the nth time,
it's no longer the apology at the end
but the determination to want to change.
even guilt doesn't seem to have changed this habit.
why.

2008-09-11T23:05:00.002+08:00

With You

I need you boo,
I gotta see you boo
And the hearts all over the world tonight,
Said the hearts all over the world tonight

Hey! Little mama,
Ooh, you're a stunner
Hot..little figure,
Yes, you're a winner
And I'm so glad to be yours,
You're a class all your own
And..
Oh, little cutie
When..you talk to me
I swear..the whole world stops
You're my sweetheart
And I'm so glad that you are mine
You are one of a kind and..

You mean to me
What I mean to you and..
Together baby,
There is nothing we won't do
'cause if I got you,
I don't need money,
I don't need cars,
Girl, you're my all.
And..

Oh!
I'm into you,
And girl,
No one else would do,
'cause with every kiss and every hug,
You make me fall in love,
And now I know I can't be the only one,
I bet there heart's all over the world tonight,
With the love of they life who feel..
Wat I feel when I'm

Oh girl!
I don't want nobody else,
Without you, there's no one left then,
You're like Jordans on Saturday,
I gotta have you and I cannot wait now,
Hey! Little shawty,
Say you care for me,
You know I care for you,
You know...that I'll be true,
You know that I won't lie,
You know that I would try,
To be your everything..yeah..

And I..
Will never try to deny,
that you're my whole life,
'cause if you ever let me go,
I would die..
So I won't front,
I don't need another woman,
I just need your all and nothing,
'cause if I got that,
Then I'll be straight
Baby, you're the best part of my day

they replayed in my head as we walked back,
especially those in bold.
they mean just exactly what the heart feels.

2008-09-07T23:45:00.002+08:00

while you were home,
i sub the breaks with food and volleyball.
but you'd know that i would love to have
something else aside from these.
breaks where i wouldn't need to open the fridge
or find the ball or look for anything.
breaks where i would have someone to give me
a massage, feed me doughnuts and read the papers
with me.
you know, i miss them today.

2008-08-12T23:59:00.002+08:00

however things may be,
till i see you,
i know i have your arms to run to
and a hug that brings a surge of relief,
even if the comfort is just momentary.

2008-08-08T00:53:00.005+08:00

I NEED A MUGGING MATE!

for volunteers, please leave a comment.
this happens when i'm not self motivated enough.
truth be, joy doesn't have much discipline.
so it's high time i draw out a timetable, call up suitable
mugging candidates and get a tuition teacher, seriously.
i think mummy would laugh and maybe cows would fly
if i clocked 40 weekly study hours, IF.
or hopefully at least a 10 or 20 would get me somewhere.

say hello to promos.
counting down 5 weeks, we'll see.

2008-07-31T23:57:00.002+08:00

trust is earned with time,
repaid with honesty.
if given too easily,
it's often taken for granted.

tonight, a sudden fear gripped me.
fear of taking the bigger gamble to trust.
for the more i love, the more i choose to believe.

2008-07-12T00:51:00.005+08:00

with love, always

2008-07-10T23:52:00.013+08:00

Youth Day

2008-07-02T23:00:00.002+08:00

simply, beautiful

every 2nd is a very special day,
and it will always always be.
thankyou for the card written at 2.20am,
on fav coloured paper and envelope
and so much more beyond.
i love you kenneth, my kenneth.

2008-07-01T22:33:00.003+08:00

when interesting people come together,
it's just a blast.
so often mornings are filled with hysterical laughters,
especially loud with the class backseaters.
and you wouldn't have guessed this from a class
made of a significant head count of sixteen
seventeen year olds.

couldn't quite keep awake in class before the
first lesson until aubrey came to tell that someone
had mistaken kenneth for hendy.
"huh you mean joy is 2 timing?"
HAHA! this worked better than coffee.
thanks girl.

slept pretty early last night
but still woke feeling more sleepy than usual.
didn't realise i could just wake to feel that i haven't
really slept.
and it all fits like a jigsaw after reading what you wrote.
feeling how your day went without knowing as the
subconscious mind was secretly working
and hinting.
i think it's getting scarier at how instincts
prompt people.

2008-06-29T13:06:00.008+08:00

mood: gay

subconsciously, typed t-shirt template.
sudden morning random urge to get down
to some unoriginal design.

not a fan of kids central or chickens.
if you know, it should ring something familiar.
: D

2008-06-17T22:30:00.003+08:00

JOY

i'm not really what my name is.
maybe people should just call me(like daddy) by surname.
uncommon and neutral.
i'm unpredictable.
i'm temperamental.
i have mood swings that fluctuates like
temperatures in the deserts.
it's possibly infectious and undeniably,
unpleasant.

when the world seems to be busy mugging,
lil diary becomes my best friend.
tough link?
hah.
have an early night, folks.

2008-06-10T18:19:00.002+08:00

late.
the snooze button turned a 10am meeting to an hour later.
left home in woke up look, woke up hair and 'pyjamas'.
2nd time leaving home in that state.
besties said it's ok since they're also in 'pyjamas'.
haha. that's why we can only hang around purmei.
all the way till 2 with our favourite pastime and lunch.
loves!

pw for the rest of the afternoon with shakina.
this, the most dreadful subject.
hopefully we can arrange consultation this weekend.
ms foo!

the days are passing with the misses mulitiplying.
it'll not be soon till i get to see you
and hear you tell me things again.
but i still find myself smiling when i close my eyes
and see that day coming.

2008-06-10T01:18:00.002+08:00

bare

circumstances can take such toll on your emotions
that you forget to listen to the heart but be head led.
you'll never want to see again how drastic it would be
to make the wrong choice that would make you bleed from within.
so i tell you there'll never be goodbye.
this time, the most precious thing is paid with a price.
for now and to last, it'll always be the closest to heart, always.

just when it all feels like someone leaving on a long holiday
someone also came back from it.
a silly friend who played long lost.
yes, silly.
but thanks for making me smile at 1am.

2008-05-29T20:03:00.003+08:00

that morning.

every corner of this city lies memories of you.

2008-05-28T00:29:00.003+08:00

school is the new refuge for emo kids.
not very known, but very sure for a single case.
i guess it would be hard to smile like before,
from the moment i surrendered my priciest possession.

so glad there was aubrey and shakina to keep
me occupied for the afternoon.
little gestures of concern can touch and mean so much.
thanks welfare rep! :)
2 cors 4 :16-18
'therefore do not lose heart. ...'

believe me, nothing will change with time

2008-05-25T22:29:00.002+08:00

being a child is tough.
being a dad is tougher.
i think parenting is hardly within comprehension.
when the problem lies in the lack of communication,
and thus the absence of understanding,
perpetual arguments are just simply unavoidable.
tonight is grieving with helplessness.
nothing has changed or will change
even when and after the eyes swell
and tears flow like running river.
i'm so tired.

2008-05-22T22:59:00.002+08:00

this morning's by far the funniest of the week.

yongkeong: do you know powerpuff girls?
me: yup
yongkeong: have you watched them before?
me: yup
aubrey(cuts in) : what's the colour of blossom? pink right?
yongkeong (argued) : red right?
me (paused for a while) : isn't it yellow?
*sudden outburst of laughter.

alright,
sleep sweet people.
sweeter nights will come next week.
hello hols.

2008-05-19T15:08:00.003+08:00

my sibs call me a noob cos i don't game.
but seriously, who can be more noob than faith
who cooks crab meat together with the plastic
and gets so fascinated over an usual ringtone.
as usual me and grace's responses "you mean you didn't know?"
HAHA. faithfaith.
i realised much of their conversations (sibs) lately
are so reality unrelated.
problem of gaming.
so annoying.

THE 10 DOLLARS POLICY
illustration of one of the many home 'policies'.
grace(came over and ate my lunch) :
i promise i won't take your fishball otherwise i give you $10.
HAHA.

2008-05-12T22:06:00.003+08:00

when i see you from the back,
when i see you from afar,
i am reminded time and time again
of how amazingly blessed i am.
you are still an unbelievable truth.

2008-05-01T23:27:00.002+08:00

Just for one moment and it would have been enough
for me to realize that reality without you would have been harsh.
There could presumably be no end to how much we can give of ourselves,
and how much that i want to spend this lifetime with you and only you.
Every single moment spent with you is so priceless and valuable.
I can say this over and over again just so you know,
I LOVE YOU.

if we had enough money, passport and some guts just now,
we would probably be somewhere else now.
this will be my dream tonight.

2008-04-20T20:05:00.003+08:00

how can you tell someone's completely honest?
how about words that you are unsure has gone
through filtration?
what lies behind this intention?
and when you never know what's true,
do you practice selective hearing?
tell me your take.
though there's something called trust,
but baby, apprehension has overlapped insecurity.

this is just momentary, i hope.

2008-04-17T22:19:00.003+08:00

SAF seminar in school today from 4-6.
had one at tekong and now again.
actually, girls are not much needed there
except for those that are intending or interested in signing up.
and so the mc was saying, what are the roles of women then?
answer-to give moral support.
quoted example: like a mum saying to the son
"son thanks for serving the country and protecting me."
don't laugh. it's supposed to mean a lot to these ns men.

i thought maybe the talk meant more
to prepare girlfriends mentally.
and boyfriends, think hard how to keep your girl.
soon soon, it'll be an exciting 2 years.

2008-04-13T01:26:00.004+08:00

A text at 1 plus was followed by an unexpected visit.
pleasant pleasant surprise at void deck.
had to play 'hide n seek' to avoid parents
but was still seen in the end.
oh well. nice try though.
you never fail to make me laugh, EVERY TIME.

today was made up of 'amusing' people.
besides the already given example,
there are more to be named.
it's annoying to see lazy people litter
when the bin is just visible small steps away.
funny thing is, they think no one's looking
but when caught in the act, they give that
i-pretend-i-didn't-litter kind of face.
this stranger was grinning away when i stared pass,
at the tissue paper and back at his face.
this is just so gay,
like guys with duplicate or twin dressing.
but on the other hand, i think it's a great idea
for the guys that were not so good looking
to wanna attract some attention.
then again, i wouldn't want to see
this often at safra.

and the night was mummy.
she was too cute to notice the entrance
and had to ask the cleaner how to get in the
shopping mall when with the next step she takes,
the glass door would just slid open.
you'd guessed. yes it's automatic sensor.
thank god i wasn't there when it got this comical,
but if i were, this wouldn't have happened.

now at 2-ish, i have less than 6hrs of sleep before service.
quite proven that less pimples surface
with more than 8hrs of sleep.
too bad for tomorrow, and every other day actually.

goodnight.

2008-04-10T22:52:00.003+08:00

what are the various reasons to be late for school?
answer is there aren't many.
and even if it's valid and out of the norm,
you'll still be marked LATE.
so there, i have alternating typical excuses
between jam and oversleeping.
it's becoming more of a once-a-week thing.
i think i have to clean toilets for the next time i'm late.

thurdays' plans are so dependent on the weather,
but so precious at the same time.
today was back to where it began,
back to 2006,
back to that table.
and to recall, it was indeed a long wait
but a worth while one.

sentosa seemed so inviting from the indoors.
it'll be a deal when i have abs to match those pacs, baby.
although what lies beneath the shirt's unseen yet,
there's already enough conviction to make me envious
of that toned body.

off to do sit ups before i rattle on more
and sound like a sexist.
goodbyee people.

2008-04-05T23:34:00.012+08:00

My little 4 yr old uncle's birthday party

too adorable.
and too active that he wouldn't keep still for a while
to take a photo with me.
btw, the shirt was done by grace. nice ain't it?
she's got the artsy genes but i don't.

i laughed alot when the kids were having their fun at games.
laughed even more at kenneth's text: joy, is this scaring you more?
HAHA. you probably won't get this.

i thought a lil about something said last night-
what made you decide to pick this one from the nerd sch
but will need to think more to come out with an essay, someday.
nothing can be said enough these days.
most of all, i love you for the way that you love me.

2008-03-30T15:46:00.002+08:00

smile.
the most beautiful and powerful weapon.
every time you smile, nothing else seems to matter.
every time you look at me, the intensity is so capturing.
every time you hold me, i wouldn't want to be anywhere else.
and each time you would say, i'm yours and yours only.
even if forever didn't exist,
there's still now to believe in, at least.

you're just so incomparable, so irreplaceable, baby.
and all i wanna do is make you mine.

2008-03-27T17:25:00.002+08:00

back in my head, the line between right and wrong
has been so distorted.
not much is left of values, morals and principles.
when stubbornness disregards and starts to blur out the vision,
it's high time to ask for discernment.

2008-03-24T20:08:00.022+08:00

officially 17.
birthday wishes are what really make birthdays feel like birthdays,
especially so for those who send at midnight and the
unexpected one from hendy.

pre-birthday stayover celebration with besties on sat.
we had a fabulous night with 2 slices of birthday cake, poker game,
manicure, and last but not least, gossips.
breakfast at 5 plus and took almost an hour to walk home from tiong.
best part of it all was to know that qihui actually thought
of turning to christianity!
SAJC influence.
but i'm glad anw.

after that comes sunday.
so sweet of mum to plan surprise after praise and worship.
dimmed lights and walked in with birthday cake.
so touched that i disgraced myself. cried in front of the kids.

instead of a birthday card, sis gave me this.
undeniable great photoshop skills huh.
loves any any way.hahah!

pre-birthday gift- sore throat.
there goes my voice yesterday and today.
but still, today was awesome.

emo time;
A BIG HEARTFELT THANK YOU FOR ALL THOSE WHO MADE
MY BIRTHDAY A LOVELY ONE.
LOVES:D

baby, thanks for coming down today.
i love you.

2008-03-17T22:13:00.003+08:00

worship yesterday at the kids' side was awesome.
i teared the sunday before when i finally
went back to the childrens' ministry.
the turn up rate and the spirit of the kids then
were totally saddening.
but god moves in his own miraculous way.
nothing touches my heart more to see the kids
move together with the worship team yesterday.
the kids that led worship with me were no older than 12.
and i thank god they have been a great cooperative team.
all i could say is, GOD IS AMAZING!

2008-03-15T22:02:00.003+08:00

tonight was the best night of the week.
it has been pretty dead at home the entire week
as faith and emmanuel were out of town
and returned only this morning.
and so we had dinner out.
then to dempsey,
then to botanic garden.
we made hell lot of noise, breaking the romantic night
and disturbing couples.
my sibs can be such intolerable nuisances most of the time
but hell lot of fun at times as well.
faith made me laugh real hard tonight.
i have to admit, life would be bleak
without her and her doses of nonsense.
:)

2008-03-12T22:40:00.004+08:00

A me-and-my-sis dialogue yesterday.

me: grace, you don't have to get me a present for my birthday.
Just make me a card.
grace: I'm gonna make you a card because i don't intend to
get you a present.
me: thanks man- :(

But what actually went on in my head was, "WHATEVER".

2008-03-08T21:39:00.003+08:00

Today.
I came to terms with a couple of things
that have been bottled up for too long.
It can be quite scary how ms loh can see through emotions.
But thank god she did, thank god we talked.
Her word of advice: time to let go and move on.

2008-03-07T12:59:00.003+08:00

Seldom do i have the chance now to read
and have coffee for companion in the morning.
But as i do, i come to realise some sad fact of life.

It can be quite appalling how a technology derived
device, like the mobile phone,
can have such a significant impact on us and our daily lives.
For many of us, it constitutes to our daily essential needs,
or otherwise feel handicapped without it.

So often, subconsciously, we have developed
the habit of checking our phones every now and then.
And for some of us, our fingers so cannot leave the keypad
for long, that it chocks up such amazingly high phone bills.
I pity the parents as victims of our indulgence.

It was much upon my mind to doubt, on a personal view,
whether the phone has evolved to do us
more good than harm.
It would be such a challenge to ditch this toy.

For now, i shall go back to my coffee and book.

2008-03-05T19:04:00.002+08:00

I can never quite find another
confidant like Melina.
Never need to.
I LOVE MY BEST FRIEND(:
Such an impromptu lunch date.
Really sorry Grace.

Saw this hc couple at the opp table.
It just reminds me of someone and his gf.
If only i can stop being reminded of things.

Moving on to GIS project.
Was rather disappointed that NEA
couldn't provide us with the info that our group needs.
This means no crow fieldworks during the coming
march hols.

Sad.
That leaves the group to decide whether to do
the initial proposal or come up with another
better idea.
I reckon that we'll have to do goh's idea.
Once again, march hols will not be spared.

2008-03-04T20:25:00.004+08:00

Practiced 800m in 21 mins
WITHOUT pyjamas.
To pass, 800m in 30 mins
WITH pyjamas.
Another hurdle of 4 mins thread water.
There's still room for improvement.

Tired.
But still loving tues.
Loving 1 hr lesson.
Loving swim.

Coach says i need to self train for stamina.
Gonna build manly shoulders and biceps. ):

Something feels missing today.
We haven't been this quiet since the past month.
A probationary period i would say.
hah.

2008-03-01T00:24:00.001+08:00

FEB 29.
Mount Faber.
Sweet.

2008-02-29T11:05:00.002+08:00

It's February.
Coming end of it with March in a few days.
It's surprising i still find myself idling at home
on so many occasions.
This may sound like a good deal because
you probably think this equals to no stress.
And for some, probably envious.

So here goes my point:
THE HONEYMOON PERIOD'S TOO LONG!

Humans like me are such contradicting creatures.
They complain be it good or bad.
In other words, i'm being unappreciative.

Baby, let's make it to uk!

2008-02-24T20:24:00.010+08:00

Went back to Summerdale this afternoon.
Stayed there for hours to help Melvin
take photos for safra poster
and to see the kids!
I realised i'm bad at photography.
My sis would be so glad to hear me admit this.

I so miss sundays with coffee talks
at hawker center with justin and brandon
and kids that made my past sundays.
Lovely lot of them.

But honestly, they make sundays tiring too.
Oh wells.

23FEB2008

2008-02-23T23:51:00.002+08:00

A sweet secret 17 affair;

sweet dreams folks.
goodnight.

YOUTH OLYMPIC GAMES

2008-02-21T22:36:00.004+08:00

YOG

This simply stands for Youth Olympic Games.
Best part of it all was that JJcians were asked to be
facilitators and ushers to mark this historical event.
For noobs out there who know nuts about what
i'm talking about, let me enlighten you.

THE COUNTDOWN HAS JUST BEGAN!

That moment of exhilaration at the padang was just indescribable.
Scream, shout, cheer, clap, dance, sweat and smell
like no one's business.
On top of that, there was Joel :)
Regrets was that i didn't manage to catch him to take a photo.

Tonight tonight was just FANTASTIC AND FABULOUS.
And a hell lot of indescribable fun!

2008-02-18T22:52:00.004+08:00

Postings will be out tomorrow.
Up till now, i question if my parents have
felt disappointed with my grades.
But i know my siblings had.
Though that sense of disapproval
didn't come strongly from both sides,
that feeling of letdown has always been there.
I wouldn't be bold enough to say that letdown was unintentional
cos fact was that the ultimate results wasn't the
fruit of great diligence nor consistency.
Nevertheless, I was thankful for a 17.

Then again, greed would sink in occasionally.
Greed for better grades that would get me into the
college i desired.
Perhaps, it's time to put aside pride and
succumb to humbleness.
This would mean to overcome some self barrier
and accept what's now and to be, tomorrow.

2008-02-17T18:15:00.003+08:00

void;
gone through and still going through.

Should i give up or should i just keep
chasing pavements, even if it leads no where.

2008-02-16T23:32:00.003+08:00

Mind guessing games are profound.
And i wonder if you so like to take
advantage of my psychological weakness.
This, a mystery unspoken.
This, a reason of mental torment.

And all these i know damn well, is idiotic.

2008-02-16T00:08:00.001+08:00

With the start of each new day
I find myself thinking of you
In the middle of my busy day,
my mind wanders and I think of you
Out of nowhere I see your smile,
hear your laugh and I think of you
Life is beautiful now because I fall in love
all over again each time I think of you.

2008-02-15T23:05:00.000+08:00

Love is universal migraine
A bright stain on the vision
Blotting out reason

2008-02-14T20:15:00.011+08:00

Vday

This mini handmade bouquet of roses was meant
for my vday date, supposedly.
Unfortunately, he was too ill to meet up.
This came as true as my nightmare.

And so,

headed down to vivo with sis to have ben and jerry's.
I have the urge to run or crave to feast
each time i don't feel good.
In this case, upset.

Dude, you made me so afraid of disappointments
cos they happen too often.

Conclusion: I'm not in an excellent mood today, or perhaps not even a good.
all for love and nothing for reward):

2008-02-12T15:27:00.000+08:00

I had to be quite mindful of things i post recently
and so the change of url.
So now it's only, me type, me post, me read=me love this.
It'll be quite some time till i get tags, but it's alright.
No spammers no stalkers.

vday's round the corner and
i'm asked to spend with someone else's bf.
i feel like a bitch in attempt to snatch what
supposedly belongs to someone else.
i don't really like how these all feels.
hopefully i can get what i want eventually.

i can fall so deep when you lead me on.

2008-02-11T21:49:00.000+08:00

Break times can be such fun with a game of captain's ball,
tennis, badminton, hanging around friends with infectious laughter,
sharing silly nonsensical and racist jokes
or even sitting around for some magic tricks entertainment.
Had a dose of laughter in the mist of a magic trick during break today.
Nothing to do with the trick though.

friend: do u believe in love at first sight?
me: no. not really
friend: then i shall walk past u again.
me: HAHAHAHA!
And that laughter continues with no one at the table getting the joke.

not to forget, loves for this morning too :D

2008-02-09T12:56:00.000+08:00

Entertainers are so temperamental.
Yes i am referring to some specific individual,
one like my sis.
It spells like this- F A I T H

2008-01-31T20:38:00.000+08:00

Random discussion of body colour. yes mine.

My friend's mum was just saying about
how horribly dark, no black, my legs are the other day
and that i should stop swimming. ):
it made me considered whitening lotion for a moment.
On the contrary, i have someone telling me that
my face turned fairer after a week that i wasn't around.
Honestly, I'm not really in love with shades,
not when people identify your body differently from/
without the head or vice versa.

2008-01-30T17:21:00.000+08:00

So often now, i think of London.
There is the major thought of doing physical geog
and the minor one of you in LSE.
I have sank in such thoughts of fasination, of the latter,
that perhaps it's time to stop harbouring them.
As for now, best wishes for postings folks!

2007-12-19T17:34:00.000+08:00

check out my sis's blog for taiwan trip photos.
too lazy to deal with the com.
http://dee-vah.blogspot.com/
enjoy!

2007-12-19T16:52:00.000+08:00

I haven't had a proper breakfast for a very long time,
mainly because I get up near noon these days.
All thanks to Melvin who says I can go down for my
part time anytime after luch.
So, there isn't much need for an alarm.

Was supposed to have breakfast with Wesley today.
Guess what, both of us woke up just in time to catch
lunch at kopitiam.
Alright. Past couple weeks have been quite the same routine.
wake up
bathe
grab a bite
head to safra.
It can be quite interesting somedays
when i encounter 'interesting' people.
Too many, so i cannot quite remember.

Oh well, decided to stay home today and
help with some chores that has been untouched since yesterday
or maybe more. i don't know.
That's what happens when my maid will only be back after x'mas.
Good lil emmanuel helps with cooking the rice:)
and he's proud that he knows better than i do.
I feel like cinderella, the bad side of it,
while my sisters are out bowling.

Btw, something from long lost friend Ian last night
amazed me a lil.
I think people should start taking their ccas seriously, like really.
This was what happened.

After PAE posting:
Tampanies JC ----------> Temasek JC

that was with basketball appeal.
But then again, on the contrary,
I wouldn't want to use CO to get to somewhere better.
So then, i'll just have to stick with JJC ):

Good weather today. Tennis lesson resumes.
i'm off.

2007-12-17T00:47:00.000+08:00

today, of the people i know,
happens to be 2 couples' anniversary.
and so, one of them ditched his swim class
for celebration.
because of this, i can't get my supposed- to-be-an-exception sunday break.
rushed outta bed, bathed, popped some biscuits
and cabbed down to the pool.
yes, i'm not a certified coach but the kids think i am
and their parents, don't really bother to know.
anw, upcoming sundays will too be spent at the pool.
whatever it is, today isn't a really good fine happy day.
in addition, erratic weather.
gah.

2007-12-15T23:11:00.000+08:00

kim is the bestest girlfriend.
she listens to my nonsense,
continues to shop with me
even when her legs are tired,
makes me laugh real hard on the bus
and in the mall,
and on and on.
on top of it all, she makes me feel deserved.
so actually, i don't need a boyfriend
nor an absolute jerk who treats me like dirt.
maybe, life's complexities isn't for me.

14 december

2007-12-15T00:08:00.000+08:00

14 December

today is an addiction.
more is still not enough.

2007-11-27T20:14:00.000+08:00

sunburn is awful.
you bear the pain.
you bear the itch.
then, even with tons of moisturiser,
it peels off ugly.
ew.
and so it reads: stay away. i'm fugly.

2007-11-18T23:59:00.000+08:00

many a time, i feel the need to change
people's certain perception of me.
maybe some of it may be right
but i'm too stubborn to accept.
i don't know.
perhaps, it just boils down to some
self evaluation and reflection to bring
about change, in either a good or better
way.
an extract to ponder:
"We live to care more on what others think
than to live to care what we need to achieve for ourselves."

today came across to be more stressful
and not as interesting as thought.
details are not really worth mentioning.
and finally, i think kids are adorable, SOME.

2007-11-17T23:40:00.000+08:00

i'm so contradicting.
here's 2 different reply to 2 same question.
coach:
do you like kids?
me:
still alright. i'm fine with them

friend:
do you like kids?
me:
NO! i don't want to have babies too.
anti government.

random, i know.
tomorrow will be interesting.
week to come should be fun, i hope.
nights people`