i could really feel you further away from me.

i don't wish to be a critique of my religion
because it does me no good.
but somehow i can't help these days to think about
how much i place the Creator in my life.
i ranked it this way:
God
studies
boyfriend
everything else

i wondered,
was i taught to do so or did i really feel
that this should be the way.
why would someone of the same faith
be angry when i choose to skip cell group
to rest at home.
are we all ought to place god the same way
in our lives?
is this the only way that a proper and pleasing life
is unto Him and others?
or it happens because we are intimidated by fear
of punishment on the day of judgment?
or are we too mindful of how the rest sees our faith?

i really don't like to question because it shakes me.
i hope there's someone who can give me an answer.